Thursday, December 8, 2011

The Work holiday Party: Sex

Its the most wonderful time of the year, so the song says...moods are generally heightened, people are smiling and laughing and just all around festive. There are more parties than you can handle, but you do your best to be at every one that you can. The one party that you can't miss is your work holiday party.

The office holiday party give you a good opportunity to get a bit closer to that person down the hall whom you discreetly mentally undress every once in a while (meaning only when you see them).
Co-workers let down their guard and indulge in temptations, not just limited to the rich deserts and generous amounts of alcohol. Ladies and Gentlemen...the Office holiday party hookup.

Is it a good idea? one may ask...I say is it a bad idea? Depends how it all goes down. If it is done carefully beyond watchful eyes both leave separately and there is no grinding, or public make outs.

Beware and heed my warning...if it is just a fling you are looking for this is the wrong place. This isn't like a one night stand with a random whom you will never see again. Before you know it, holidays are over and your still tapping dat ass, good luck getting out of this one. Now your branded as the office asshole.

Here is a brief rundown of the characters that play a part in this story.

Interns- Stay away. The idea of interns are so tempting, usually pretty young and impressionable.
many people in power have succome to the lure of the sexy intern...and lost.

Your Boss - If i have to explain this one, you deserve what ever comes to you.

Your subordinate aka the HR nightmare - I don't even know where to begin. This has so many red flags on it you can see it from space. Don't get into a he said she said. No one wins.

The  Ho- Easy target. I wonder why? Maybe because she's had sex with everyone from the GM to the janitor. You are stupid drunk, Horny and don't want to put in effort. Take a cab home alone.

The douche - Yeah he's a douche bag. But he is good looking. He'll probably rock your world several times, then get into the graphic details of your encounter at work the following day. There will be no sympathy there. Everyone knew he was a jerk, including you.

It may not be a good idea, but it also may not be a bad one either...the choice is yours.
Just don't get caught in the coat room with the bosses assistant. It can be fun but can also be a CLM (Career Limiting Move).  But if you must, just keep it away from prying eyes.....and be safe.

Love, Ninja

Thursday, October 6, 2011

How many people have YOU had sex with?

If you haven't asked it, you've probably thought about it. Curiously looking at your partner. "How many people have you had sex with?"

First off the importance of this means very little. Or does it? Why do we ask? partially because we want to judge.

 Do you really want to know?  Guys want a woman to be grrrrrreat! in bed, yet often have an issue with a woman gaining experience through other partners. Guys would love to be with that girl who hasn't had many partners, but most guys would not want to be that persons "first".

Don't get me wrong, this Ninja believes that women generally feel the same way, no girl wants to be with a Man-Whore but likes a guy who knows what he's doing with that thing.

Men supposedly inflate and women under-report their sexual partners for social reasons.
Can this be the case? possibly, but somewhere along the lines, the numbers should mathematically correct themselves. If the information is accurate it should be equal, no?

Women are more likely to rely on enumeration when asked the question, while guys tend to rely on a rough estimate. Could have something to do with the stereotypical way that both sexes view sexual experiences? Where sometimes guys are less likely to remember a name of a girl that he has slept with some time ago, most women will remember. Are women just more likely to form an emotional connection during sexual experiences than guys?, where as the guys may not recall all the details of "flings", women probably will.

It's more likely that, enumeration is typically tied to life and social events. Research shows that enumeration can lead to under reporting. If your memory is based on events, personal belongings, location etc. then at some point your memory will exhaust your options, while your trying to recall.
If you are going on a rough estimate, then you really aren't basing it on any accuracy at all.

Back to the REAL question....How much is too many?
What number would turn you off from your current partner?
Does it depend on age?
Do you know how many people your partner has been with?

If you want to share this info with your partner then feel free, but just understand that you don't have to. It should not be important in most cases, all that matters is who they are with now.
Hopefully that's JUST you.

Love, Ninja

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Should you move in together?

As a couple, moving in is a BIG step. It's more than just romantic co-habitation. Moving in, is something that shouldn't be taken lightly. This should be an important decision made freely from the heart pounding "honeymoon" phase.Just cause "you're always here anyway...." should not be a reason to move in together.

Before you move in, ask yourself the question. Why?. Being in a long term relationship and feeling "it is time", or having one, or  both people looking for a place, is hardly reason enough to use your relationship as an experiment.
 It can be very costly, in more ways than one.

It seems like a great idea on the surface; sex on demand, no commutes to see each other, simplified expenses the list goes on, but lets examine some of these "benefits", and dig a bit deeper into them.

More sex, sex in the morning, sex at night, hey sex in the afternoon.
In the beginning there will be gratuitous amounts of sex, in every corner of your dwelling, so take your vitamins. But as great as it is to see your partner walk around in a bit more than nothing, or nothing at all, it can become less sexy over time. Not to imply that you  will fall out of attraction with each other, just that the visual springboard of random hot butt-naked sex can lose its appeal. Seeing her walking around topless, can cease to exist as a pre-cursor for sex, when you are getting things ready for your parents to come by.

No more commutes.
Live gets hectic, and sometimes with distance even in the same city, schedules don't connect. Sometimes it seems like you hardly see each other. Well, living together certainly solves this. But you will miss your  "me time".
Socially most couples tend to fall away from their social activities and turn more into home bodies. Not that it is a bad thing to lay low, but be ready for it. Are you ready to relinquish your night on the town, to start entertaining more? Oh yes, there will me WAY more activities with other couples, now that you live together. It happens. Oh happens.

Simplified Expenses.
The fact is your expenses can get even more complicated. Splitting expenses may seem easier on your wallet in the short term, but if you are not ready for this  and don't have the conversation, regarding each others debts, you could be inheriting more than you anticipated.

Checking in.
Perhaps the biggest part of moving in with your partner is checking in with them, letting them know, where you are and when you'll be home. This is one of the most difficult adjustments for most, but also one of the most important.Be ready for this step. Its a doozy.

This Ninja is neither for nor against the notion, all I'm saying is make sure you know what you are getting into, and when that question comes up as Why you are moving in together, just make sure it is for the right reasons and you both have the same answer.

Love, Ninja

Saturday, August 6, 2011

Can we be friends?

Can a man and woman be just friends? I say yes.  Can they be good friends even after dating? However uncommon,  I still say yes.

Question: If you are still tight with your ex, and you become involved in a committed relationship, should you cut off that friendship? This Ninja says hell no.
This was the subject of conversation, or opposition for that matter,In a recent visit with the LA Ninja.  Here is the summary and rebuttals of the conversation.

I'd love to hear your thoughts.

My point is fairly simple. It is entirely possible for two people to continue an already pre-established friendship with no alternate intentions other than to maintain that strong meaningful friendship, while at the same time being in a committed relationship(s).
Is there anything wrong with a former couple, now maintaining a solid reliable friendship, visiting , talking, the occasional hang out?

I think this all comes down to trust. But a few things should be in place.
1. The partners on each side are previously aware of the friendship.
2. They partners on each side have met their partners friend.
3. The partners on each side are aware of when the friends hang out.

The opposition argues that once in a committed relationship, especially a marriage, the ties between former meaningful relationship partners must be severed. Keeping in contact and hanging out purely on a friendship level,can lead to temptation or things could just "happen". It was also implied that one partner has the right to enforce the termination of their friendship.

So should they be friends? Its really up to everyone involved. Can they be friends?  It is really up to the individuals. Your relationship must come first, and that undoubtedly can turn a close friend, into a good friend.

Ninja's final thought: Relationship insecurities are not good enough reasons to end valued friendships.

Whats your thoughts on this? Chime in!

Love, Ninja

Thursday, June 23, 2011

Summer Lovin'

The weather is hot, the skirts are shorter and everyone is getting a better view of those bodies that were covered up for way too long. Festivals, Patios, BBQ's and those hot summer nights, put us in the mood for some summer lovin. Summertime allows single and not so singles an opportunity to enjoy the option of playing  the field, freely and openly, without having to label their Facebook relationship status. I speak of the summer fling.

What is a fling? but a short term engagement of two or more parties for the purpose of pure enjoyment. One may say the relation to the Summer fling could be directly related to the weather. After all if you take my definition one might say we all have a fling with the season of summer.

The great thing about flings is that there are no promises and little expectations.
If your single...LIVE IT UP... but be honest, and be aware of your intentions.
If you are not so single....we'll you definitely need to read on.

I believe that both men and women look at the fling differently.
In the numbers of women as compared to the men, you would find more women looking as summer as a great starting point for a relationship, where most guys would view it as a springboard for frolicking.
In fact a lot of men (and women) date seasonally, with summer being their holiday. True story.

For those looking for a budding romance, summer sounds like the right time of year. There are more things to do, the overall spirit of your city\town is elevated, and that vibe is like no other.

So what do you do when you meet someone great, right before summer? or right at the beginning of your "holiday"? Most of us put it on a shelf, we give in to the lure of the beast we call summer. We succumb to our primal instincts to hunt and gather, while others are making a nest..
It is in our nature to feel this way. I bet the cave men did the same thing.
I'm not saying that everyone does..but in most cases the itch is there.

What to do? you got options:
Option 1) Your got a few of them and they are probably pretty horny too. - Don't think I need to explain this one too much.

Option 2) Put it on a shelf and have your fun, It's summer time, why be held down? Why deal with the shit you've been dealing with this leading up to the glory days of summer? - Most people fail to recognize the impact of seeing that other person with someone else as well. and at that point, there is no turning back. As you make your moves, so do they.

Option 3) Stick with what you got. - No relationship is perfect, and it is natural to be attracted to other people. But just remember that if you got a "good one", don't fuck it up cause you have a burning desire (not sensation) in your pants. Just keep it real. You can stil have a a great summer.

The choice is what you may...

 I'll leave you with a line from the rapper Common "It doesn't take a whole day to recognize sunshine". If you got something worth keeping or locking down. Dont be afraid, stay in one place..there is always next summer

So choose wisely, have fun, fun, fun..just keep it real and wrap it up.
Be safe.

Love, Ninja

Coming soon: How to make the most of your love affair with summer.

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

The Princess Syndrome

With the spectacle that is the royal wedding fresh in our minds, I thought that I’d wax eloquent on the holy institution of marriage. Now, lets get one thing straight: there’s nothing wrong with marriage, nope, nothing at all. Weddings? There may be some issues with weddings. If you wonder why it seems like most men are running and screaming when the “w” word is spoken; blame it on society, the remarkably insane demands many women have on what type of wedding they want, and the billion (yes, 9 zeros) dollar industry.
Once upon a simple time, people got married and stayed together. Men worked hard to get a ring on their lady’s finger; the lady used her mother’s wedding dress, the families traded a few heads of cattle and couple of acres of land, the woman pumped out 9 kids and everyone lived happily ever after. Gender inequality aside, the married life was never been an easy one. However, back then, people made it work and the pomp and parade involved with the weddings that we see today were few and far between.
Currently, our society dictates that every woman is a princess who doesn’t need, but deserves an astronomically exorbitantly overpriced opulent wedding ceremony. It has to be planned by the person who planned a Hollywood celebrities’ wedding. It has to be at the largest church or the most expensive wedding chapel. The ring has to be visible from space and the dress has to be the most elaborate design Vera Wang ever dreamt up. The women who want a normal wedding are seen as “odd” and the women who fall over the cliff head over heels in wedded bliss amass debt and drag their spouses in with them.
“Bridezilla” is new millennium vernacular. Have you ever wondered why? I’ve yet to see a situation where a to be married man is actively planning colour swatches, suit styles, menus and what type of flowers and/or how they’ll be arranged. More importantly, that kind of elaborate preparation was never meant for a couple with a middle class income: it was reserved for the ultra rich which; back in those days; meant people with servants and a lot of horses on many acres of land: not a pie lot and a 1300 square foot house.
Both women and men deserve the happiness that comes with a great wedding and a happy marriage. It should be about both individuals and not a one sided affair wrought with overbearing behavior and bossiness. The statistics say that ½ of marriages end in divorce and one of the leading causes of a split can be traced to financial issues. Let’s all be mindful that the key to happiness isn’t thousands of dollars sunken into an extravagant ceremony. The key is to just be happy to spend the rest of your lives with one another and to maximize what you both have… not necessarily what you think you should have.


Tuesday, May 3, 2011 (Don't be the last to know)

I didn't just make that up. Sadly, it is an actual website that provides resources for one to find out if thier significant other is cheating on them. Did I mention that in addition to the website they also have a mobile app, twitter, youtube channel and facebook fanpage? This Ninja does not even know what to say about that.

 I first came accross this while listening to my XM Satellite radio (Which is pretty amazing if you don't already know). I was tuned in to "Cocktails with Patrick" on channel 162.

Anyway shortly after the show ended, the commercial for came on. At first I thought it was a joke. Unfortunately it was not. Curiosity got the best of me, so I checked it out. (FYI: By no way does Cocktails with Patrick endorse this site.)

Search: Cheater by last name or full name and city.
Post: Allows you to post a cheaters name
Notify me: Allows you to be notified if the person in your search ever gets listed as a cheater or if others are checking on them too.

Is it Just me or is this site a bit absurd? It can be used in a very vengeful, slanderous manner and massive acts of defamation of character. Maybe a good tool for that pissed off ex (Is all fair in love and war?) to get some shots in...
I think if your relationship has brought you to this point, you need to rethink it. Or just get out of it all together. If you truly think someone is cheating on you, you won't be satisfied until you prove yourself right. and then what?  It is a sad state of affairs.

It does raise an interesting question: How much do you trust your partner when extreme hotness is in the room?
 Guys and gals alike, get that jealous tick when someone whom their partner would perceive very attractive, is near by. Especially if their partner has noticed them as well.

SO...if you had an opportunity to see your partner chat up with a very attractive single, with out you around, would you want to see how far the flirting would go? (Oh and lets throw in that this single is VERY hot and also obviously interested in your partner.) Think about this, really think about takes two to tango. Do you really trust this person as much as you think?

Now put yourself in your partners positon. To flirt or not to Flirt. You would be pissed that they are flirting, it ok that you would be? (Cause you know you would be..)

Chime in. I'd love to hear your thoughts.

Love, Ninja

Monday, April 25, 2011

Is all is fair in Love and War?

A lot of classic sayings surface after the end of a relationship….They say  that "there is a thin line between love and hate",  or "There are three sides to every story, his side her side and the ugly truth" and  the ever popular and my favourite,"All is fair in love and war"…its a cute saying, but even war has  rules….

In a great relationship there is a balance of power, but in most of them it can be and are lopsided. So it makes perfect sense that in most breakups,  the same theory exists. Breakups are rarely ever mutual, and one party is usually left more hurt than the other. This may be the more dominant partner in the relationship, or it could be a shift in power, but regardless, someone has to come out on top. The person who really feels the need to be the "winner" typically feels the need to display this publicly.

I'm sure a lot of you have experienced this at one point or another. The relationship goes sour and comes to an end. One partner (usually the partner trying to express power) decides to go public with private details of the the now dissolved relationship. These "facts" are are often fabricated, embellished and just made up. However there are some that may be true. Regardless of the element of truth, these should remain private.

Breakup rumours are usually spread to try and gain some public support for one partner and change the perception of another. How public? well that depends on your celebrity status. We've seen it in the tabloids over and over and over.
Celeb A and Celeb B have this great relationship. It goes bad. Celeb A decides to bash Celeb B publicly, by revealing certain truths, or untruths about the relationship to either embarrass the other or just come out on top.

In most of our everyday lives we are unable to use popular media such as TV & Radio to express this. But we do have Twitter, Facebook, email, texting, intimate meetings and social gatherings. It happens way too often.

After being with someone for a long time you gather a wealth of personal knowledge on them, tonnes of  stories and most of all,  a mutual audience.
The sad part is that most people are so quick to adopt the negativity: "he had other women", "She pushed me away", "his anger was out of control",  "she was terrible in bed", "He got treated for various STDs"…. the list goes on and on and gets nastier and nastier as the he said she said continues. It doesn't stop there. It usually continues for some time and is spread though public forums and to family members,friends, acquaintances.....the mutual audience.

Here is another one for you…"knowledge is power". Yes it is.  And if you have knowledge of how to push someones buttons, hit them where it hurts thats what you do. "All is fair.....?….like I said…..even war has rules.

This brings up a great war, the war is: Character vs Perception. Rarely do the receivers of the gossip question why one party is not joining in on the slander and smear campaign. Or maybe they do. Maybe they assume that the other party is not responding because the rumours are true.  Well what about this thought, maybe , just maybe the other party is displaying some character. 

Truth or not, there are equal opportunities for both parties to start talking shit. Perceptions will change, people will look at you different, and treat you different when dirty laundry is being aired. Perceptions  will change others opinion of you in one way or another. 
But if you are a good person stay true to your character. Don't chime in on the sea of slander and start talking behind the persons back. It's not even about being the bigger person. It's about not being "that" person.
People waste a lot of time an energy into running someones name down, or building their "How Stella got her groove back", comeback story, so others will applaud their efforts in moving forward in their life.
In the end it may come back to them, shit…it may not. Regardless it's not your problem.
The people who know you best will respect you more for showing dignity and class and in the end, you are the winner.

It leads this Ninja to believe that while perception may be more powerful in this short term, strong character reigns supreme in the long run.
I have one more for you…"To thine own self be true"
Keep your mouth shut and keep it real, so in the debate between character and perception, character wins every time.

Love, Ninja.

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Using Awareness To Your Advantage

Have you ever been out and gotten a girl’s number and she hesitated before she gave it to you? Or she was looking for a piece of paper to write the number down (or whipping out her cell to enter your number) before “can I ge…” even escaped your lips? Then something happens and you’re wondering “why is this girl so clingy/crazy?” or “why isn’t this girl ever answering her phone/text?” after you’ve messaged or left one or two answering machine messages for her? If you rewind back to the original point of contact when she hesitated to give you her number or was hasty to give it, you’ll remember you had an intuition. It happened so fast that you ignored it and therein lies your problem.
We’re wired to discern the minutest of things but so many of us bypass unsaid clues: we fail to read between the lines. In more cases its harmless oversight and in other more serious cases it can be disastrous. Granted, there’s nothing detrimental about not realizing warning signs when you meet a complete stranger (insert sarcastic smirk and raising of the eyebrows).
It has been said that women are better at seeing the subtleties and acting on them much swifter than men. I don’t know if that’s the case or not. I’m not a scientist and I never took human ecology as an elective. What I do know is that more often than not, you’ll have a woman become more selective to thwart a suitor and those actions aren’t as prevalent for men. Does that mean that men are stuck making rash decisions? Goodness no! Men just have to tap into that side of themselves: the side that acts pre-emptively instead of the side that’s governed another way. Think about it: if you’re the type of man who sees things that other men look past, you’ll be the one who comments on a woman’s colour scheme, how well her nails are done, or if she’s done something to her hair while the other tread is slurring about “hey baby, you look HOT”. Fail.
I do realize that this article is leaning heavily towards a man meeting a woman but by all means it can pertain to a woman meeting a man or man meeting a man or whatever you’d like to apply it to. What I’m saying is: understand the signs and take a hint. Save yourself the hassle of dealing with the moron, the daft, or the psycho by being more analytical than you usually are. Use a keen sense to your advantage! No one is saying nitpick every piece of information til you or the other party loses interest; just learn to be more aware. Trust that feeling that you get and remember the words of a wise ninja who once said: “most of us can read the writing on the wall, we just assume that it wasn’t addressed to us”.