Lovers and Friends: Part 3

Why its a good idea to date a friend.

• Your attracted to each other- As we've previously discussed.

• You know each others history- You know each others drunken hookups, one night stands, failed relationships and the outcomes of all their relationship pitfalls.

• You already trust each other & won't cheat on each other - The chances of cheating on a once friend now boy\girlfriend are less than likely. After knowing each other for so long you've built a very trusting relationship.

• You've seen each other in less than fabulous moments - He's wiped away your tears, despite the raccoon-like mascara smudged look you're sporting and you've picked him up drunk from his ex-girlfriends front lawn at 4am.

• You already know each others families - And they probably want you two together, so you already have that support.

Why its a bad idea to date a friend.

• It could ruin your friendship if it fails - If this doesn't work out there is always the fear of not being able to be friends again. realistically things would never be the same again.

• You may have to find a new best friend-  The one you you once went to for solid relationship advice, is the one who you are now in a relationship with.

• You know each other TOO well - You know their downfalls and their trigger points. All the little things that annoy you about them as a friend, you now suddenly have to "Love everything, even the bad things".

• You may not work as a couple - Sex changes the very nature of your relationship. So although you may thing that it would be great to be in a romantic relationship with your friend, they aren't your friend anymore. It's all fucked up now.
  

If your thinking of turning that friendship into a relationship, think long and hard. Relationships take a lot of work and although it may seem like a good idea at first it may not be in the end. First consider what you have, and if its worth the risk you losing it. Is your friendship strong enough to withstand a breakup? No one ever goes into it thinking your gonna break up but it still happens.
On the other hand.....
Some say friends make the best soul-mates.
So If you truly , absolutely feel it can work........Who am I to say "don't".

Love, Ninja

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Lovers and Friends: Part 2

So why are we attracted to our friends?

The reason you are attracted to your friends, is because the criteria that you look for in a romantic relationship, is pretty much the same what you look for in a friendship. The essence if you will, is the same. 
Examine your criteria: You want somebody you can count on, someone who makes you laugh. Someone who gets along great with your friends and has ambition. Someone who brings out the best in you.
Now we don't always choose our friends on looks, but lets be honest having a good looking piece of arm candy when you walk into a room is not a bad way to make an entrance (except if you're trying to pick up). And that's a whole other topic....
You'll typically be a lot more flexible as far as your deal breakers are, but you get my point.

When you are single and looking for a soulmate, your heart tells you that you don't have to look that far. You have all the qualities that you need in a mate in your guy\gal pal. And It's very easy to rationalize because your friends and family make it even easier. They are the first ones saying " I don't understand why you two just don't date".

It's OK to think that your friend is hot, but there is a difference between that, and consistently thinking about your friend in a mostly romantic or sexual context. Being attracted to your friend, puts them into "more than just a friend category" IF, it's more that a casual thought.

Its sometimes hard to fight this feeling, because you are so comfortable around each other. But that doesn't mean you should date your friends............ Doesn't mean you shouldn't either.

I know it's cliche...but sex DOES change everything....for the good or the bad.

And now I ask you...Do you think that friends make the best boyfriend\girlfriends?

Lovers and Friends: Part 1

Can a Man and a Woman be friends WITHOUT being attracted to one another?

Seems like a stupid question, but it's not. I'm not saying it's impossible, but consider this possibility.
Is it possible that in a lot of cases that when a man and a woman are friends at LEAST one is attracted to the other? Could be true...

Ladies: How many of your male friends are you attracted to?
Guys: How many of your female friends are you attracted to?
Now the numbers may be the same or close to, but here is the difference....

Ladies: Of the male friends you are attracted to, how many of them would you cross that line with, not being confident that it would turn into something other than just sex, and possibly damage the friendship?
Guys: Same question...
What I'm saying is that you'd probably find more guys than gals willing to cross that line considering the risk..
Some say a female friend is just a girl you haven't slept with yet.

Certainly there are exceptions to this theory, but I refuse to believe that between to really good looking, (especially single) friends there is NO or has been NO attraction from at least one side at any point in time. If you've started out as a hook up or as a couple, it's possible that its just out of your system.

You may see them as a sister\brother type, you may JUST be really good friends, OR.......you may just be lying to yourself.   Either way, today more than ever, you see good friends linking up. Now I'm not saying that its a good idea to date your friend or cross the line, I'm not saying its a bad idea..but I'm just saying.....

Thanks for shedding some light on this Chicago.
Stay sexy people...

Stood Up? WTF?

I've discussed this topic almost Ad nauseam in the past few days, it's not isolated to romantic encounters but I'm gonna address those ones in this post.Here we go...


You say: What you up to Thursday night? We should get together, have a drink?
She Says: I have to work till 6pm but we can grab something a bit later around 7.
                                                      You say: Cool. Thursday it is.
Thursday rolls around. It's about 6pm, you haven't heard from her so you fire off a txt trying to find out wasup. 7pm, still no response. This is where the problem starts. The lack of consideration.
Let's condense this. You don't hear from her till 9pm, when she sends you a text saying how long of a day she had and if you could reschedule for next week (Smiley face at end of text.)

or how about this..

So you make plans for Thursday night, clean up the place, maybe get your hair did.
Shit girl..you got plans. You leave work early, get to the gym and pick up a few things  on the way home. You get ready with time to spare, looking casual but fine. everything is on schedule. Mr. Man is showing up for 8pm.
8:15pm: Dude is late
8:30pm Dude is already 30mins late, but you chill (Don't wanna be that girl).
8:40pm: You send a Txt msg: We still on?
9:15pm No response.
You may not hear from him tonight even.

Sometimes people are late, I get it. Believe me I get it. Regardless of the scenario the problem here is a lack of consideration for others time. Pardon me, a blatant disrespect for other people AND their time.
Ladies, Men.....if you can't make it communicate that. A text, a call, a messenger pigeon, ANYTHING!
The worst hasn't even happened yet. When you confront the person (which you should), you get attitude. Big time. Attitude and some poor version of an excuse. There are few reasons for not communicating outside an emergency, if any.
 
Texting\Calling someone a few hours after you were supposed to, is STILL standing someone up. There are no points for calling. It's just as bad as calling the next day, which somehow people think that if they don't call or text or that night it will soften the blow. I still don't get that.

SO.....if you can't make it just say so, to give the other person enough time to make alternate plans.
If you don't want to, then don't in the first place.
We all screw up sometimes, just be considerate of others if you do.
Be an Adult. Own it.

Peace.
Love Ninja

Maybe...You're the problem.

So you think you're a catch, but you're still single and wondering why. Here's a thought.

First off lets  take a glance at  your credentials: Really good looking, Great Job, Live a healthy lifestyle, own yourself a house\condo.You have strong family values, nice to children and old people alike and a great sense of humor.You're at LEAST an 8.5/10 on the “I am a catch” scale. Yet you constantly ask yourself… "Why am I single? How come I cant find anyone beyond a casual late night scamper or one month train wreck of a relationship?"

Here’s a hint....…the common denominator in all your failed attempts at relationships is you. It may sound harsh, but it’s true. There is something wrong with the formula.

Ladies and Gentlemen, could it be possible, that in the multitudes of people that you have dated, you’ve typically dated the same person, just in different form?

If you’re constantly dating guys who are broken, or need some serious fixing, and you find yourself lonely, or in the "friend" zone too often,  Is it them always them or is it you?

If you always end up with the crazy girl, then you're either driving them crazy, or picking them crazy. Which one is it?

If you don’t live a healthy lifestyle, don’t exercise or take care of yourself very well ,yet find yourself always going for dudes who have physiques like Greek gods, should you be surprised when they are not interested? Should this be a shock to people? Surprisingly it is. I’m not saying that these desirable physical attributes are only attainable by a select group, but most people who live healthy lifestyles and take care of their bodies, tend to partner with others who do the same…Just saying…

We tend to be creatures of habit in many aspects of our life,  yet we continue to have idealistic views of what we want  but some how stray from that when we actually get a chance to experience it.

Break the chain people. Expand your horizons! How? Get out of your comfort zone. Try something different. Hang with a different group every once in a while. Try different social events. Take up a new sport/hobby. You may actually meet someone who is actually new. Not just new in the physical form. Live a little.

Now this can be challenging for a lot of people, so ask a friend to help you if you need it.  They may provide that outsiders opinion or social bridge that you need. If you seriously want to find someone, reflect on you past decisions and what exactly influenced them. Don’t repeat your mistakes, learn from them.

Here's an Idea: come up with two shortlists (I say no more than 4 items each). Deal breakers and Must haves. Almost everything else can be worked out, or will work its way out.

Dealbreakers: What will you not compromise on? Smoking? Drinking? What ever it is be realistic. Must Haves: What do you require in a potential partner? a Job? Sense of humor? Same goes..be realistic.

So in saying that……relationships are complicated. So don’t always expect magic. You're not perfect (Even though we may seem so on paper), so we shouldn’t be surprised when other peoples flaws surface, just make sure their flaws aren't on your list (even if the booty is REALLY fine). Don’t be afraid to take chances, that’s how great things happen.

Peace, love and sooooooooooul! Stay sexy peoples….

--Love Ninja

Holding off on Sex

I've got this question so many times I fee the need to comment\answer publicly...
"How long should a woman wait before having sex with a guy?" This is generally from women who are looking for a serious relationship. Lets examine this a bit closer...First off I ask, Why are you waiting? 9 times out of 10, I'll get the same answer. And that goes something like this..."I wanna make sure that he doesn't want sex, I'm worth the wait and if he really cares he'll wait"  Which is a valid point of view. Ladies, I get it. But at the same time I don't. Of course he wants sex, what guy doesn't?
 You feel that if you give it up too soon the guy won't respect you, and try to turn you into a booty call, or just bounce all together. But before I say when "too soon" is let me say my piece.

Just cause you give it up on the 2nd or 3rd date don't make you a ho. If fact I know many very happy relationships that started that way. The bottom line is 6 months or even 6 years from now, when your with the love of your life, you'll never say that the reason you are still together is because you made him wait 4 weeks as opposed to 3.
True there are some guys who are jerks, some who just wanna hit it and split it, but if you're having those doubts about him seriously, then maybe you should walk away from it.  And if you're constantly dating guys who JUST want sex...then you need to change the type of guy you are dating.

NEWSFLASH: Guys want Sex. But don't start thinking that's all they want, cause there are a lot of guys out there who can give you what you need in more ways than one.

So when is the right time? When ever you feel comfortable, and if that's early then great. If you wanna wait and the guy doesn't that doesn't mean that all he wants is sex, well it could...but anyway...to answer the question of When is too soon?.....you'll know. Trust your gut

But I will leave you with this: Women regret the ones they do sleep with, and Men regret the ones that they don't sleep with.

What ever you do PLEASE be safe ALWAYS.