Your relationship, and the holidays.

Boney M is playing everywhere, kids are overly excited, and masses flock to the mall to buy gifts for their loved ones. Ahhhh the holiday season, such a joyous time to reflect and express our love and happiness to the ones that matter most. But something is missing, what could it be? A ring perhaps? Perhaps.

The Christmas holiday season is an extremely popular time of year for couples to get engaged, or question their direction. Now before I go off as cynical hear me out. I'm not saying that it is a bad time for couples, all I'm saying is that it can be a high stress time for a lot of them. In fact the holidays are a time when most people start evaluating relationships. keeping that in mind, you may say that the holidays could be make or break.

Extra Long Term Relationships (3+ yrs): Women know its prime season for engagements and some hope for the "unexpected" little box under the tree or in the stocking. Family and friends are no help either, the eagerness of your loved ones certainly feeds that fire. There are really two possible outcomes, either she gets a ring or she doesn't. If she doesn't, you best believe she's wondering why, when, or if this is ever going to happen. If the talk hasn't happened...it will. 

Long term relationships (1-2yrs) : Now I'm gonna spin it to the guys on this one, so ladies just hear me out. She's probably wondering where this is gonna go, you may not have the talk but she is thinking future.  The I love you's have been said and if you don't live together you probably already have the keys.You have been to family gatherings and know most if not all of each others close friends. If you know she's thinking future and you're not, speak up. If you are speak up, but the bottom line is something must be said. Nobody likes their time wasted.

New relationships (under 3months): A few months in? this is probably more awkward than anything. It's more about showing special interest during the holidays. Choose your gifts wisely, and keep it simple. I'd be cautious on the family invite. Each family is different and everyone has different comfort levels, so if your planning on inviting him or her to a family event, make sure to talk about it honestly before any decisions are made. Inviting someone to your family event may not be a big deal to you, but it could be to your family or the other person.

I said it before nobody wants to have their time wasted, but you should address these issues before the holidays to avoid the added stress if you can. 

The holiday season should be a fun one!  So do yourself a favor and relive yourself of the tension and awkwardness and just talk it out (cause Valentine's day is coming. We'll talk about that later.)

Enjoy the holidays with the ones you love.

Love, Ninja

Bad Idea: Playing hard to get

Ladies I know you want guys to show effort. In this crazy world of dating, sometimes you get tired of "putting yourself out there". But it must be done. I've heard and overheard women make reference to making a guy "work for it". This Ninja asks: work for what?

     If you like this guy, why are you putting him through the gauntlet for your affection? To see if he is worthy of it?
This is EXACTLY how you lose a guy.

Don't.....

Hide your interest in him. Said it before, I'll say it again. Show your interest. Don't smother him, but let him know you are interested in him.

Make yourself inaccessible. There is a difference between too available,  and inaccessible. returning calls and or texts days later? That just ain't cool.

Make it difficult for him to plan activities. If he's trying, don shut down everything he is saying. Try something new. Or here is a thought, how about you suggest something?

Stand in his way of being a man.  The male ego is volatile and fragile. Allow him to do sincere things for you.Just because you can "do it yourself" doesn't mean you need to shut him down when he wants to carry something for you, our get you something from the kitchen. Independent is nice, but there is a limit and guys need to feel needed to.

After the gauntlet.

If he actually sticks around, after all those games, things will change very soon after the relationship starts. Now suddenly he has his prize and after all the "work" he put in, he could feel that  it wasn't truly worth it in the end. So if you wanna play it cool, then do so, but don't make this game harder than it needs to be.

Guys don't love the thrill of the chase, We don't. Why chase? What's the point? the women we have to hunt are the ones we lose interest in quicker. Believe it or not, there are guys out there who would love a chance to treat you right. But if you don't give them a chance, stop complaining that there are no good ones out there.

Love, Ninja.