Thursday, April 7, 2011

The Art of SHUTTING UP!!!


Relationships are about communicating, hearing each other, “getting” each other, sharing ideas and thoughts right?!?! Right! But there are times when talking doesn’t get the job done, times when the true strength of a relationship can be measured in the space between words.
I’m not saying go on a first date and just sit there saying nothing....CREEPY! Obviously when two people first start dating, there is an excitement to talk, chat, tell stories in order to get to know the other person. It’s a great sign when you go on a dinner date and by the time you look at your watch it’s after 1am; you’ve been holding up the wait staff at your favourite restaurant because you and your date have been in a bubble of attraction for hours past the dessert. That’s a good thing!
But we as a society often use language as a filler, we are uncomfortable with a lack of action, a lack of things, words, distractions. How many times have you been around someone who feels compelled to fill the space between talking with idle chatter that adds nothing? I know a few people who grate on my ninja nerves because they are consistently taking over that beautiful space between conversation with their blah blah blah’ing.
There is a great proverb that says,
“Do not speak unless you can improve the silence”
This is such great advice!!!! When you are comfortable with a romantic partner, shared silence can be soothing, romantic, sensual, playful and/or lovely! There is no need to break the silence. When you are silent it gives you a chance to be more present and aware; you notice things you never noticed before. Things like how complex his eyes are, how her hair falls so effortlessly on her temples, how the corners of his mouth curl when he’s excited, how her jaw line curves so sensually into her neck. Things worth noticing!!!
So the next time you are with a significant other try not to fill the silences just because, instead allow the uncomfortable silence to turn into something more meaningful. See if you can catch their eye, notice what their body language is saying, feel their energy, smell the air around them, smile, tell them you love them without saying a word!
Just don’t try this on a first date....sitting across from a silent, smiling date staring deeply in your eyes, may set off the CREEPY alarm!! LOL
Lady Ninja over and out!

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