Is all is fair in Love and War?

A lot of classic sayings surface after the end of a relationship….They say  that "there is a thin line between love and hate",  or "There are three sides to every story, his side her side and the ugly truth" and  the ever popular and my favourite,"All is fair in love and war"…its a cute saying, but even war has  rules….

In a great relationship there is a balance of power, but in most of them it can be and are lopsided. So it makes perfect sense that in most breakups,  the same theory exists. Breakups are rarely ever mutual, and one party is usually left more hurt than the other. This may be the more dominant partner in the relationship, or it could be a shift in power, but regardless, someone has to come out on top. The person who really feels the need to be the "winner" typically feels the need to display this publicly.

I'm sure a lot of you have experienced this at one point or another. The relationship goes sour and comes to an end. One partner (usually the partner trying to express power) decides to go public with private details of the the now dissolved relationship. These "facts" are are often fabricated, embellished and just made up. However there are some that may be true. Regardless of the element of truth, these should remain private.

Breakup rumours are usually spread to try and gain some public support for one partner and change the perception of another. How public? well that depends on your celebrity status. We've seen it in the tabloids over and over and over.

Celeb A and Celeb B have this great relationship. It goes bad. Celeb A decides to bash Celeb B publicly, by revealing certain truths, or untruths about the relationship to either embarrass the other or just come out on top.

In most of our everyday lives we are unable to use popular media such as TV & Radio to express this. But we do have Twitter, Facebook, email, texting, intimate meetings and social gatherings. It happens way too often.

After being with someone for a long time you gather a wealth of personal knowledge on them, tonnes of  stories and most of all,  a mutual audience.

The sad part is that most people are so quick to adopt the negativity: "he had other women", "She pushed me away", "his anger was out of control",  "she was terrible in bed", "He got treated for various STDs"…. the list goes on and on and gets nastier and nastier as the he said she said continues. It doesn't stop there. It usually continues for some time and is spread though public forums and to family members,friends, acquaintances.....the mutual audience.

Here is another one for you…"knowledge is power". Yes it is.  And if you have knowledge of how to push someones buttons, hit them where it hurts thats what you do. "All is fair.....?….like I said…..even war has rules.

This brings up a great war, the war is: Character vs Perception. Rarely do the receivers of the gossip question why one party is not joining in on the slander and smear campaign. Or maybe they do. Maybe they assume that the other party is not responding because the rumours are true.  Well what about this thought, maybe , just maybe the other party is displaying some character. 

Truth or not, there are equal opportunities for both parties to start talking shit. Perceptions will change, people will look at you different, and treat you different when dirty laundry is being aired. Perceptions  will change others opinion of you in one way or another. 

But if you are a good person stay true to your character. Don't chime in on the sea of slander and start talking behind the persons back. It's not even about being the bigger person. It's about not being "that" person.

People waste a lot of time an energy into running someones name down, or building their "How Stella got her groove back", comeback story, so others will applaud their efforts in moving forward in their life.

In the end it may come back to them, shit…it may not. Regardless it's not your problem.

The people who know you best will respect you more for showing dignity and class and in the end, you are the winner.

It leads this Ninja to believe that while perception may be more powerful in this short term, strong character reigns supreme in the long run.

I have one more for you…"To thine own self be true"

Keep your mouth shut and keep it real, so in the debate between character and perception, character wins every time.

Love, Ninja.

Using Awareness To Your Advantage

Have you ever been out and gotten a girl’s number and she hesitated before she gave it to you? Or she was looking for a piece of paper to write the number down (or whipping out her cell to enter your number) before “can I ge…” even escaped your lips? Then something happens and you’re wondering “why is this girl so clingy/crazy?” or “why isn’t this girl ever answering her phone/text?” after you’ve messaged or left one or two answering machine messages for her? If you rewind back to the original point of contact when she hesitated to give you her number or was hasty to give it, you’ll remember you had an intuition. It happened so fast that you ignored it and therein lies your problem.

We’re wired to discern the minutest of things but so many of us bypass unsaid clues: we fail to read between the lines. In more cases its harmless oversight and in other more serious cases it can be disastrous. Granted, there’s nothing detrimental about not realizing warning signs when you meet a complete stranger (insert sarcastic smirk and raising of the eyebrows).

It has been said that women are better at seeing the subtleties and acting on them much swifter than men. I don’t know if that’s the case or not. I’m not a scientist and I never took human ecology as an elective. What I do know is that more often than not, you’ll have a woman become more selective to thwart a suitor and those actions aren’t as prevalent for men. Does that mean that men are stuck making rash decisions? Goodness no! Men just have to tap into that side of themselves: the side that acts pre-emptively instead of the side that’s governed another way. Think about it: if you’re the type of man who sees things that other men look past, you’ll be the one who comments on a woman’s colour scheme, how well her nails are done, or if she’s done something to her hair while the other tread is slurring about “hey baby, you look HOT”. Fail.

I do realize that this article is leaning heavily towards a man meeting a woman but by all means it can pertain to a woman meeting a man or man meeting a man or whatever you’d like to apply it to. What I’m saying is: understand the signs and take a hint. Save yourself the hassle of dealing with the moron, the daft, or the psycho by being more analytical than you usually are. Use a keen sense to your advantage! No one is saying nitpick every piece of information til you or the other party loses interest; just learn to be more aware. Trust that feeling that you get and remember the words of a wise ninja who once said: “most of us can read the writing on the wall, we just assume that it wasn’t addressed to us”.

Shinobi

What the Girl You Just Like Really Thinks of Your Facebook Profile

In the beginning of a relationship you want to make a good impression! It’s akin to a job interview...you don’t show up in sweats and a crumpled resume right? When you start dating you want to ensure that she sees you in the best light first. You want consistency from all sources on your character just like your references for a job! So why the heck are you ruining your chances by letting your Facebook profile bring your stats way down?

I want to take this opportunity to give you a pre-dating gift: a gift of knowledge, a gift of insight, a gift of a Facebook profile make-over! Whether you think you need one or not, read on and you may discover that you’re sending all the wrong messages to the potential female ninja in your life.

1) Your Profile Picture

YES THIS MATTERS!!!! Putting a picture of you drunk with a bunch of chicks surrounding you in Vegas does not (I repeat DOES NOT) give the impression that you are amazing and women from far-away lands should all flock to you. On the contrary, it sends the message that women should STAY AWAY because you are a drunken, slimeball who would be willing to “tip” hefty amounts to have gorgeous women stand next to you! GROSS!!

Put up a picture of you in a good light, doing something fun, or active. Make sure you are smiling in your picture or (even better) laughing! Women love a guy who can have fun and doesn’t seem too serious or judgemental. A photo of you having an authentic good time, will subconsciously let women know you are fun and someone they should want to spend time with!

On the other end of the spectrum, don’t post a picture of you with your Mom or Auntie knitting. You will be seen as a Mama’s boy and who wants to worry about having to meet a guy’s Mom at the beginning of a friendship or relationship? I’ll tell you who....not Lady Ninja that’s for sure!

2) Your Status Update

Now admittedly I think women are worse at putting TMI on the old Status update (no one wants to know that you are sad that your cat threw up....BLEHG!!), but guys often go to the other end of the spectrum and don’t update it EVER!!

COME ON BOYS....tell us what the hell you’re doing all day!!!

Communication is key in all relationships and having no updates on your Facebook profile doesn’t allow women to see the real you! Once in a while it’s great to see that you are doing something exciting enough to share with the world...otherwise we assume you’re just playing video games in your parents’ basement with other non-social nerds!! Booooooring!

3) Your Wall

Oooh this is a big one!!! Women like to see what your friends, acquaintances and family are saying about you. It gives us a better sense of your character and what lies beneath the surface.

If your wall is inundated with comments about “how wasted you were when you fell down the stairs last night”, or “how funny it was when you pulled down your pants and rocked out with your cock out at the wedding last week”.....you seem more like a character from Jackass than a potential relationship candidate.

Clean it up!! It’s great if you have waaaaay too much fun once in a while, hey who hasn’t!?!? But read, reply and delete!! There’s no reason everyone has to see the ridiculous stuff you’re up to when inebriated! It seems more like you are bragging about being a DOCHEBAG if you keep those comments! Keep that for the inner circle so you don’t scare off any wonderful female potentials with a total jackass party reputation.

In conclusion, a Facebook Profile is not the be all, end all of a relationship, but if it can help give you a boost then why not skim down your SLIME BUCKET quota and increase your HANDSOME DEVIL WITH A GREAT ATTITUDE stock?!!?

In the end your profile reflects you so make sure your first impression isn’t sending women running in the opposite direction!! I stand behind my Facebook make-over, but if you can prove me wrong I want to hear it! Seriously....has a photo of you passed out on a lawn chair ever gotten you a date? Comment away and I’ll be sure to read and respond!!!!

Lady Ninja over and out! Gotta go change my Facebook status....

The Art of SHUTTING UP!!!

Relationships are about communicating, hearing each other, “getting” each other, sharing ideas and thoughts right?!?! Right! But there are times when talking doesn’t get the job done, times when the true strength of a relationship can be measured in the space between words.

I’m not saying go on a first date and just sit there saying nothing....CREEPY! Obviously when two people first start dating, there is an excitement to talk, chat, tell stories in order to get to know the other person. It’s a great sign when you go on a dinner date and by the time you look at your watch it’s after 1am; you’ve been holding up the wait staff at your favourite restaurant because you and your date have been in a bubble of attraction for hours past the dessert. That’s a good thing!

But we as a society often use language as a filler, we are uncomfortable with a lack of action, a lack of things, words, distractions. How many times have you been around someone who feels compelled to fill the space between talking with idle chatter that adds nothing? I know a few people who grate on my ninja nerves because they are consistently taking over that beautiful space between conversation with their blah blah blah’ing.

There is a great proverb that says,

“Do not speak unless you can improve the silence”

This is such great advice!!!! When you are comfortable with a romantic partner, shared silence can be soothing, romantic, sensual, playful and/or lovely! There is no need to break the silence. When you are silent it gives you a chance to be more present and aware; you notice things you never noticed before. Things like how complex his eyes are, how her hair falls so effortlessly on her temples, how the corners of his mouth curl when he’s excited, how her jaw line curves so sensually into her neck. Things worth noticing!!!

So the next time you are with a significant other try not to fill the silences just because, instead allow the uncomfortable silence to turn into something more meaningful. See if you can catch their eye, notice what their body language is saying, feel their energy, smell the air around them, smile, tell them you love them without saying a word!

Just don’t try this on a first date....sitting across from a silent, smiling date staring deeply in your eyes, may set off the CREEPY alarm!! LOL

Lady Ninja over and out!